In Their Own Words

I was baptized a couple years ago. I felt so important and loved. The more fruitful I was the more love and attention I received. Eventually I was draining myself in all aspects. I felt something was off. I started to hate God again. I asked God why would he would want me to endure all this in following him and to give me clarity.

While I was unemployed and struggling to pay my rent and buy food, a church leader told me I had better start tithing my unemployment check or I'm outta here. He said he didn't want to hear any excuses. The leader later apologized for his behavior, but this is endemic throughout the group with certain individuals and does not reflect Christ's love. I've tried raising this issue from time to time when I see it, but only end up getting attacked by people who've been programmed by the group think to do so whenever anyone brings up an issue the church can work on as a whole to better reflect Christ.

I started being raised up during my first year in and our minister literally said ‘we are going to pull back to the right.’ In 2013, our church campaign was the book Undercover. They told the church that we were going to do a corporate confession. For 4 weeks we ‘confessed’ over and over again in BT in preparation for the big day. Leaders were told to keep notes and identify patterns of sin. The day comes and every person had to get up and confess to the entire church body...from there I was done. The manipulation after that night was horrible. Even after confronting the minister and going to his disciples, he was asked to consider leaving but he is still in ministry...and at a bigger church now. 

Well, I had a [nervous] breakdown when I was removed from fellowship and was not considered a disciple by the San Antonio church. I didn't know who I was without the church. My entire identity was crushed. Jesus said that "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." I was definitely sick and needed a savior from myself and from the church.

I joined back in December of 2015. I was greeted my first service with warm welcomes and a free bible. Everyone was ready to love on you. I told my campus minister that I no longer wanted to be apart of the group and they refused. They would never stop calling or showing up to my campus dorm room. I eventually had to block their numbers and avoid them at all cost. The real kicker is the “friends” I made on campus who were also part of the group dropped me. They were instructed to have nothing to do with me because I “left the kingdom of God”. I have been free of them now for almost two years and I am healthier, happier, and most importantly my relationship with God is stronger than ever.

“The messages I received from birth from the ICOC churches have caused PTSD and its symptoms. Your positive experiences do not invalidate or negate my negative experiences, just as my negative experiences do not invalidate or negate the spiritual fulfillment you have felt from this church…I have experienced pain beyond anything a human should have to.”

I thought i had joined a warm, unconditionally loving family, but once the waters of my baptism dried, everything changed.

Being betrayed by the people I entrusted with my very soul was the greatest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced.